Weather is Fun Too.

It’s negative 30 where I live.
Fucking BULLSHIT.
The town didn’t plow the roads and we got 36 inches of snow.
“OH HEY. LET PLAY THIS FUNNY JOKE WHERE WE DON’T PLOW THE ROADS AND EVERYONE GETS STUCK OR IN AN ACCIDENT.”
Hahahaha
So funny.
NO.
FUCK YOU GUYS.
Why do you even get paid.
Lazy ass mother-fuckers.
Let me tell you.
A front-wheel Toyota Corolla does pretty damn good in the snow.
Go baby!

XOXO
-Shel

Tips.

Today at the coffee shop, there was a group of 5 older men.
I call them the “Gentlemen’s Club”.
The tipped me $15.
This is amazing.
I know that’s how they grew up and how they lived during a good economy but this is important.
I only get paid $7 an hour.
I save all my tips.
I can’t save any of my paycheck.
I have bills and other shit I need to buy.
In high school I worked as a waitress. I saved all my tips.
That’s how I bought my first car.
How I payed back my dad for bailing me out of jail on my 17th birthday.
How I bought my grandma a Christmas present.
Tips help people out so much.
You wouldn’t think it unless you lived it.
Thank you to whoever that man is.
You are amazing.
Thank you so much.

XOXO
-Shel

Tattoos.

I have multiple tattoos.
Okay.
I was just in the grocery store.
An older lady comes up to me.
“Miss, I just wanted to let you know that the markings on your arms are vulgar and offensive and I don’t think you should showcase them like you are.”
Like fuck.
What am I supposed to say to that?
“Do you want me to wipe them off? Because it doesn’t really work that way.”
“No need to be rude about it! Ugh!”
“You get what you give.”
Okay. First off.
I have a skull and a rose and a triangle.
That’s my “sleeve”.
I was wearing a tank top.
Yeah.
I also have a feather on my collarbone.
How is that offensive?
Or vulgar?
Answer?
It’s not.
And it’s not like any of my tattoos don’t have meaning.
They do.
Let me tell you about it.
The triangle on my sleeve means having a strong foundation. I am very close with all my family.
The skull on my sleeve stands for my inner rebellion that makes me hate all authority. (Except in bed.)
The rose on my sleeve stands for the end of my long and painful journey with my crackhead mother.
The feather on my collarbone is blue and pink and purple. It has the cliche birds flying off of them. It stands for my love of travel and adventure that I’ve had since I was too young to crawl.
There you go.
La-dee-da.
Thanks so much old lady.
No.
You know what? Screw that bitch.
That’s not okay.
It’s okay to voice your opinion but if you might cut deep with your words, you need to watch what you say.
I love my tattoos.

XOXO
-Shel

I hate Periods.

They just fuck up everything.
For example, this morning, I woke up like 30 minutes late. Oh guess what?
You need to put under wear on and put a tampon in.
(I don’t normally wear underwear)
Oh fucking joy!
No.
Then, you have to make sure that you aren’t bleeding heavily.
Like did satan stick his tail up your vagina or did a chainsaw get stuck up there?
It fucking sucks.

Let me tell you what else sucks.
WHEN GIRLS ARE RENDERED USELESS BY IT.
“I can’t do anything because I have cramps.”
Shut the fuck up.
No.
Ball up.
Be tough.
You are literally a volcano of blood.
You can fuck shit up.
Ladies get shit done.
Men puss out.
Fucking be a woman about it.
Jesus.
We take dicks harder than cramps.
Ugh.

Now I’m horny as hell and I can’t do anything about it.

BUT HEY. AT LEAST I’M NOT PREGNANT.
FUCK YEA.

XOXO
-Shel